I remember when I dived in deep into the life of an entrepreneur resisting engaging with any guy I found attractive. I didn’t want to be distracted from building a powerful long lasting tech company. I would go years with little to no action in my life. Just being real. I was taken over by drive and determination to create a strong team, prove a business model, be a dynamic business partner, and work to the point my eyes forced themselves shut. Where did this leave me multiple startups later — single.
I have very little life experience in relationships so I don’t follow any of the supposed dating rules. Since I find online dating boring I’ve leaned toward thinking outside the box in order to meet potential suitors. I’ve outsourced my love life to be set up on blind dates by a virtual assistant, Tim Ferriss style, and executed mobile app dating experiments. If I like someone I let them know, I don’t wait for him to call the shots, I’m brutally honest, take initiative more than I’d care to because it comes so natural and do all I can to make sure my man feels supported, cared for and loved. Thing is… guys don’t want all that. At least not when dating. They want the allure from playing the mystery card, they don’t want a girl so accessible and communicative. Men are cavemen. They want to hunt and chase and grunt. I don’t give them that. Stocking their fridge to make their day easier will friend zone you. Surprising them with hockey playoff tickets will make them feel like it’s too much too fast.
I am independent. Adventurous. A risk taker. A leader. Yes. Of course I am. It’s the pre requisite for being an entrepreneur. I need to be in order to steer my startup ship. Though I may be Batwoman by day making things happen, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to take off my cape and be average Jane by nightfall, coming home to my Batman.
It’s tough being a founder and dating. For both men and women. People outside of our world don’t get the late night hours, the weekend emails, our brains stirring at night obsessed with business strategies jolting out of bed to write a memo. And the constant mixers and panels we ‘must’ attend. At least with men it’s culturally accepted; men work, they are the bread winners going to the office day in and out to provide for their current or future families. For women, we’re earmarked to be more submissive, take care of the home. So when all people see is this confident, connected, independent leader of a female they perceive needing nothing and no one. A feminist of sorts. Which leaves me single.
It’s rare any guy asks me on a date. I’m usually the aggressor. Saying ‘I build tech companies’ when first meeting or messaging scares me because guys often times try to make me their insta mentor. It sucks. I want to be equals. And when we do hang a few times my honesty and openness is just all too much to handle. As business owners we’re taught to be decisive. To know what we want and go after it. In dating that doesn’t seem to be sexy. I wonder how many other female founders have this challenge and feel this way.
I am writing this ‘Open Letter’ as a message for you men out there thinking any girl is ‘out of reach’ for you, you’d be surprised by how little that girl is approached. I hear super models rarely get asked out because they are just too beautiful guys assume they’d have no chance. I think maybe female founders come off too independent to ‘need a man’. Maybe that is true, that I don’t need someone to feel complete, I’m already living a dream, but it would be nice if the right person came along to share incredible experiences together. See where it goes. Not marriage or kids, that’s too far out. Just a solid interest in getting to know me.
I want my man to be the protector, the gentleman who opens a door and pulls out my seat, the initiator to plan a date — the Man. Someone with accomplished ambition, yet youthfully spirited still riding a skateboard and down to go backpacking without a plan on a whim.
I’m not willing to play games to lure someone to date me. I want to just be me. A tee shirt and ripped jeans kind of girl, sans makeup, passionate, who will share exactly how she feels and do whatever she can to make sure her man’s days are filled with magic. I aspire to be a woman a man is thrilled and excited to come home to. I’m your hopeless romantic Jane by night and only desire to be that masculine take charge Batwoman by day.
Thank you Gabriel, my incredible boyfriend back in the day, when I was a yacht stewardess. We moved in together the day we met and you were by my side when I started my first company. You helped me ship product to customers and allowed us to use our apartment to stock inventory. We may not have been compatible, but you were definitely a Batman. Grateful for our experiences together. ❤